My Mexican Bone Density Test!

Beach houses in Mexico are constructed of concrete and tile.  Even, the ceilings are concrete.  This means they are very sturdy and very, very hard.  If you want to test how resilient something is, you can throw it against any part of a beach house and have your answer immediately.

The other night, I took my two glass snack bowls downstairs to the kitchen, but did not turn on the stairwell light because I have been up and down these stairs so many times, I could do it in my sleep. My bowls and I made it to the bottom and ended up in a decidedly abnormal configuration on the floor (me), and scattered from the front door to the terrazzo doors (the bowls). This impromptu action generated a very loud noise (from the bowls hitting the floor – from me, there was more of the pathetic, guttural sound of someone trying to breathe again).

The loud noise alarmed the Hillbilly, who came running from upstairs and once at the bottom reached down to lift me off the floor.  I waved him off, while making unintelligible, animal-like sounds at him.  Over the next hour (okay, it was 5 minutes, but it seemed like an hour) my heart rate returned to normal, I regained my ability to breathe and I began to examine the extent of my injuries. Oh good, nothing too serious! More of a “death by a thousand cuts” scenario.

Meanwhile, the Hillbilly had gamely grabbed the broom to begin channeling the three million pieces of glass that now covered the floors like a carpet of diamonds into a disposable pile.  However, in his haste to reach and rescue his only means of communication in a foreign nation, he left his shoes at the side of the bed, so was reclaiming the floor barefooted!!!

This, in turn, alarmed me!!  The Hillbilly is nothing, if not a world-class klutz (this critique coming from the woman still trying to get up off the floor may be a touch ironic, but it’s also the truth).  So, I began to, slowly and carefully, unwind myself into something resembling an upright human with bones. I finally managed to work my trasero onto the bottom step (yes, the very one that had tripped me).  My knees rebelled violently as I pulled myself to a standing position, but I made it and took over the “diamond dust”clean-up.

A day later, I had a large, green, right ankle which nicely coordinated with my large, yellow, left knee. However, I was getting around fine, and went beachcombing that afternoon to prove it.  Although, since then, there have been a lot of Rice Krispy noises emanating from my knees.

But, the bottom line is: I passed this year’s bone-density test with flying colors.  And, I don’t have to do it again for three more years!!